If someone asked you what you look for in a potential partner, what would you tell them? We talk a lot about being caring, honest, and, of course, being a good communicator as we look for potential partners. But just how effectively do we communicate once we are in relationships and how much work do we put into improving our communication? Although Americans reported having the most communication issues with their partners, 80% also reported avoiding conflict with them instead of communicating openly. 

When we’re in the initial stages of infatuation, it may be easy to avoid discussing what we don’t like about someone’s behavior, but we risk this becoming a pattern over the lifespan of the relationship if we’re not prepared to evolve our communication styles. So, how can you tell from the early stages of a relationship if you have the makings of a relationship built to last? Let’s discuss five signs of a healthy relationship you can look out for next time things get serious.

1. Mutual Respect

Respect is a key sign of a healthy relationship – whether it’s a friendship, family relationship, or, in this case, a romantic relationship. So, how do you know if your partner respects you? It shouldn’t be something you have to question. Respect is shown through actions like active listening, speaking to you as an equal, and considering your opinion on everything from where to get dinner to if you want children one day.

Respect for ourselves and for others encourages us to treat people like we want to be treated and to show kindness. That’s why it’s pretty apparent when a partner doesn’t respect us, even if we can’t always name it, and that’s what’s wrong.

A partner who doesn’t respect us will exhibit behaviors that are red flags, like speaking over us, not asking us our preferences, not showing interest in our lives and even verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. You’ll know a partner respects you when you feel safe with them. They’ll see you and treat you as an equal.

2. Shared Trust

Trust is another essential sign of a healthy romantic relationship. There may be a tendency from one or both partners, especially when the relationship is new, to doubt and fear whether this will last or if your partner is faithful. “This is so new – how can I trust that they’re one of the good ones?” or “They confessed to cheating on a past partner that one time – aren’t I entitled to snoop around and see if they’re doing the same thing to me?”

The beginning of a relationship sets the tone for your entire relationship, so set the tone with trust. Remember that your relationship is not the same as any other relationship you or your partner have had. Give your relationship a chance to thrive by trusting them. Without trust, fear and doubt will grow like weeds – and that’s not the tone you want to set for the rest of your relationship.

Carry this advice with you beyond the beginning of the relationship. Trust can be very hard-earned, especially if you’re in a relationship with someone who has been hurt before.  As tricky as trust can be to earn, it’s remarkably easy to break – so don’t give your partner a reason to doubt you. An excellent way to ensure the trust is ever present is by maintaining clear, open lines of communication, something we’ll talk about in just a bit.

3. You Can Be Yourself

Did you ever hear the advice, “relationships take work” or “marriage takes work” growing up? Have you ever been in a relationship that felt like forcing a square peg into a round hole and thought, “Is a relationship supposed to take this much work?”

The truth is that good relationships do take work. When two human beings stay together for such a long time, it takes effort to stay connected as they change and grow through significant life events. Love is all about showing, not telling. However, as you may have guessed, it should never feel forced or like you’re the only one doing the work.

One of the best signs of a healthy relationship is that you feel like you can be yourself. Relationships take work, but someone who loves you will always accept all of you just the way you are.

4. Open Communication and Healthy Conflict

When you’re in a healthy relationship, you should feel comfortable speaking your mind freely and communicating openly with your partner, even when you don’t see eye-to-eye.

Conflict Avoidance

Many of us may not feel comfortable speaking openly with our partners about contentious subjects. Not because the relationship isn’t healthy but because it isn’t uncommon to be conflict-avoidant. If you’re conflict-avoidant, you avoid conflict at all costs – even if it means not speaking your mind.

Aggressive Communication

On the other end of the spectrum, you may be willing to speak your mind but do so in a way that isn’t compassionate or timed appropriately. Both of these communication styles are common, not healthy, but common.  Too often, we learn maladaptive communication skills like this as children, watching our elders who were never exposed to healthy techniques themselves.

Conflict Resolution

The good news is that in a healthy relationship, with practice, you can learn to speak your mind in a way that compassionately honors both yourself and your partner. A healthy partner will not only be a safe place to disagree or communicate openly; they’ll encourage you as you develop healthier communication skills together.

Another sign of a healthy relationship is the ability to have and resolve conflict compassionately.

This can look like:

• Using “I” statements instead of blaming your partner. “I feel sad because…” vs. “You make me feel sad when you…”
• Refraining from emotionally manipulative communication tactics – for example, the silent treatment.
• Willingness to compromise
• Expressions of empathy

Busting Communication Myths

It’s a common misconception that healthy couples never fight, and that couldn’t be more of a myth. We aren’t recommending screaming matches, but healthy couples do voice their differences and meet each other where they’re at. Keeping how you feel bottled up inside isn’t healthy for you or your partner.

Remember that no one enters into a relationship as the perfect partner. You shouldn’t expect that from yourself or your partner. Healthy communication skills and conflict resolution skills take a lifetime to hone. A healthy partner will practice these skills with you and seek to improve your relationship by improving their communication and conflict resolution skills as well.

5. You Feel Supported

Lastly, but certainly not least, you’ll feel supported in a healthy relationship. This does not mean your partner will agree with everything you do, think, or feel and they may not share all of your hobbies or interests.

It does mean that they help make your pursuit of the life you want possible by supporting you however they can. This may look like them cooking dinner on Tuesdays and Thursdays while you take online classes or encouraging you to pursue a dream you’ve had for a long time. They want you to be happy and live a life you love.

There’s a common misconception that one partner shouldn’t give more to the relationship than another. Over time, that’s undoubtedly true. However, we encourage you to consider your relationship as a give-and-take. Sometimes, you can give more to your partner to support their dreams. Other times, they’ll be able to give more to you. Either way, you’re on the same team – each other’s team.

Find the One For You with Support from Inspire Behavioral Health

Strong relationships are safe spaces where you’re encouraged to grow and given room to come as you are. Trust, respect, authenticity, honest communication, and support help strengthen relationships over time. Dating is hard. Letting someone new into your life and allowing them to get to know you is hard. For many people, choosing to love and allowing someone else to love them is terrifying.

Many people benefit from personalized counseling services as they find and settle into relationships with long-term partners. At Inspire Behavioral Health, we know you can only love someone else as much as you love yourself – and we believe everyone is worthy and capable of love.

Our experienced, licensed mental health professionals are here to help you navigate your relationship with yourself and your partner in both group and individual counseling sessions. Improve your relationships with support from Inspire Behavioral Health. Contact us today and book your first appointment.